


Retroactive

by deansnuggles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s06e21 Let It Bleed, Gen, M/M, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 23:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansnuggles/pseuds/deansnuggles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel's thoughts while erasing Lisa & Ben's memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Retroactive

**Author's Note:**

> (AN: This scene always bothered me - how exactly do you erase that many memories without Ben & Lisa ending up in a psych ward? So, headcanon written.)

He sifts through their memories as if panning for gold - except, instead of precious metals, he searches for pain, searches for fear.

_"Please, Cas. Make them forget. Make them forget all of it. Forget they ever met me. I just want … just, give them back their lives. Please."_

He’d spent a long moment searching his eyes, jade-green darkened by guilt, pain, longing, fear. Looking for doubt, finding none. Then nodded, once. Dean closed his eyes, sagged in relief, ran a hand down his face to compose himself.

_"You should go. You shouldn’t be here when they wake from this."_

For a brief moment their eyes met, a nod of thanks, and he’d gone. Perhaps for good. If this was Dean’s final request of him, he would not disappoint.

Castiel knew he couldn’t give Dean exactly what he asked for - there were too many variables. Friends and neighbors who remembered the live-in boyfriend with eyes older than his years, photographs and mementos tucked away in closets and boxes. He couldn’t change the past, couldn’t erase a year of history. But he could give Dean what he needed. For them to have a life free of monsters, free of hunters and guns and salt lines, free of him.

So he sifts out anything supernatural. Things no one but Ben & Lisa would know to refer to, nothing that could come up in conversation or be remembered in a photograph. He leaves a few early pieces, to explain why Dean was there in the first place. Recreating an entire life story was more than he was capable of without leaving holes. Holes led to cracks in the wall he was carefully constructing. Much like the crack in Sam’s wall. No, there couldn’t be any holes.

Sam. That was the catalyst. Sam’s return marked the beginning of the end for Dean’s “normal life.” The fact that Castiel was responsible for that, as well, is not lost on him. He tried to give Dean a life, tried to bring back his brother. Failed at both. He won’t fail at this. Inside Lisa’s head, he sees her realization that Dean was lost to them the moment Sam appears. So Castiel wipes clean all memories of monster attacks, while leaving in Sam’s return as the reason Dean left. There needed to be a reason. He couldn’t erase all pain. Life is pain. But he could erase fear.

Finally, he plants a final suggestion in their heads. A filter. They can’t recognize Dean, now or in the future. They can’t match the man they see with the man in their memories, in the photos. When they see him - and he’s sure they will, Dean will check up on them once more to make sure the job is done - they will see a stranger. 

It’s not exactly what he asked. But it’s the best he can do. At the end of the day, that’s all he has to give. He only wishes it was enough. He leaves the hospital with renewed purpose. He  _will_  succeed in opening Purgatory, preventing another apocalypse, fixing Heaven. He  _will_  show Dean that he can do this. He will make things right.


End file.
